Ozaltin Family

Ozaltin Family Circle Remembrance by Emre Ozaltin

Annette would be pissed off at me right now – wearing her headdress – I love her headdresses because I think they match her personality so well – but she didn’t like me wearing them as she would say that I’m stretching it out with my big head.
But you know pissed off Annette was still Annette with a beautiful smile, maybe a disarming pout, a joke, a tease, and always always always full of love and understanding. There are those in this room who have known Annette much longer than I. We were together for 16 years and in those 16 years, if you can believe, she never once really got angry with me – and you know I gave her plenty of occasion – except… except if I had been unkind to someone, if I had treated another human – whether a friend, a colleague, an employee or a stranger – without the respect and dignity they were due… then this would bring out her wrath, and then, believe me, watch out. And she was right.

Others have spoken, and we all know, this to be one of her unique and defining characteristics: her love for others; her deep empathy, her all-encompassing caring; and her tireless work to ensure that all were taken care of. Troy, Phoenix and I got to experience this on steroids – she reserved her fiercest love and dedication for us – her thoughtfulness, her curation, her infinite attention to detail and her vast intellect and capacity.

She was so ridiculously and over the top selfless that I very much felt it my role to protect her and ensure that she was OK and taken care of. I would like to read to you the first vow, of seven, that I made to Annette on or wedding day in Bozcaada Turkey 10 years ago – June 22 2013
“You are the best person I know. I stand in awe of your generosity, your consideration for others, your honesty, and your goodness. Being with you teaches me to be a better person every single day. (1) And because you are so selfless, and always put others before yourself, I promise to always put you first; to be your knight when you need me to be, and to take care of you when you are busy taking care of others.”
And standing here now, I can’t help but feel that I have failed her in this vow.

In the car crash that took our bellowed Annette’s life there was another victim….Stephanie Leiva… Stephanie survived the crash and I understand that she is recovering. While I don’t have more information than that, the very first thing Annette would have wanted us to do would be to think of her and the suffering that she and her family must be going through and to send our collective love and healing their way.

Many of you here know Annette and my origin story. I think it speaks to the fun, irreverent, and slightly mad part of her personality. I was instantly drawn to her. And we were fire – but neither of us expected it to last. We assumed the flames would rise and fall as they tend to do, and we gave ourselves one month to enjoy the moment and one another. And the “one month” became a joke between us, so much so that one year into the relationship, Annette – ever the chronicler that she was – presented me with a gift: a photo album all of our adventures that year, entitled it One Sweet Month.

So the month turned into years, and I remember very distinctly the day, living in Cambodia, that a realization hit me like a brick. That every moment with Annette was the best of my life, and that each moment was better than the previous. And the realization was that this would continue.. that with Annette, we would always be living at the cutting edge of our best selves and that whatever amazing, elating moment we may be experiencing today, it would pale in comparison to what was to come tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. That was the moment I realized I would spend the rest of my life with her.

I don’t want to give the impression of Annette as some sort of saint. She wasn’t. She wasn’t complicated – but she was complex: deep, full of mystery and inner churnings and yearnings, and was forever searching for a deeper meaning and purpose to her life, especially professionally. But she combined a stupendous work ethic – I work with workaholics and exceptional individuals, I’ve never met anyone who came even close to the dedication with which she approached her work – and she combined this with genuine selflessness, and an unquenchable thirst for life, discovery and adventure. Her energy was infectious and the mischievous light in her eye…irresistible.

Over the years, whenever we were faced with a choice of the known, warmth, light and shelter on one side, and on the other a dark unknown, uncertainty – pregnant with risk and discovery – and we faced this choice several times figuratively, and literally – she always, every single time, chose the harder path.
At first look we seemed so different, but we were the same. We had the same values, same beliefs, same conclusions on any major decision, same philosophies with Troy and Phoenix, of our role in the world and the contributions we wanted to make…. Annette was my home base, my comfort, my everything… and we just grew together for 16 years, intertwining like two trees, branches and roots intermingling until we became indistinguishable, two arms of the same body, interlocked in a cosmic dance that grew more ecstatic, more beautiful, more productive, and, I think, better – for ourselves, for our friends, and for the universe – with every second, with every revolution.

One day we got lost in a dust storm together. We were wearing next to nothing – cold, hungry, disoriented… but as always all smiles and love, enjoying the moment whether good or difficult, and accepting of what the world threw at us. When we finally found shelter, we huddled together and there took a selfie. Exhausted, caked in dust head to toe, we look like two frail old folks, grey & wizened…and just so happy. This was always one of our favorite pictures together – we put it in a mini frame and hang it on the Christmas tree every year– and we would look at it and talk about how much fun it was going to be to go through the phases of our lives together and to grow old, frail and gray and how wonderful it was going to be to be together at the sunset of our lives.

And while Annette’s body is gone – she is of course with us. She is here right now, intertwined within me, a core part of my being and soul – as she is for Troy and Phoenix – as she is for many of us here. But the part, that perhaps is the hardest for me personally to bear, is that that spirit – ever present though it will be – is fixed. And as I continue to grow and change, and my roots and branches continue to extend, they will do so around hers…. now set – beautiful, shining, golden as it is – but that will grow no more.

I want to salute the love that Annette contributed to create, and that is represented in the community that is here today and around the world. I am blown away by the love that has enveloped me and the boys – and this shared grief and celebration of life, I wish Annette could be here to witness – from all of the phases and circles of our lives – including from Jamaica, where we had just landed – the genuine love, humanity and beauty of this community – in a complex world full of tragedy and loss, it gives me hope, well beyond just for my family. I am in awe of all of you and so grateful for you.

In our 16 years together, I watched Annette grow – in strength, in confidence, in understanding and wisdom, and in beauty. She was our amazing Annette, but she was also evolving and expanding. And while I feel so fortunate for every second I had with her – by the opportunity to bask in her light in the time we had – I am also confronted by the enormity of the loss to us all, not just of what she was and is, but of what she would have been.

But I also know, that what will now grow is the seed that she has planted in each of us. And as I think of her legacy – which is manifold; and deeply individual and personal for many here – to me I see first of course in Troy and Phoenix, who are her in so many ways and will carry her spirit in their hearts and in their acts; it is also the shining example she gave us of selflessness, hard work, service, tolerance and the primacy of our shared humanity; and finally that, through this loss, we united as a community – thanks to her, we grew better and stronger, closer to one another. She would have loved that.

Annette and I spoke of life and death, and of how we would want our funerals to be – Annette, unsurprisingly wanted no mourning. Celebration, beauty, art, friendship, community – growth she said. Thanks to all of you, and especially to those who put their hearts and selves and their mad love into creating this moment, together we are fulfilling her wish and sharing her legacy. Thank you.

Annette, I will love you, forever.